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This essay from Woody Allen answers the following question what if impressionists were not artists? It seems Mr. Allen found an appropriate answer they would be… dentists! He wrote this piece that puts oral surgery in a whole new light, in Allens distinctive style. The whole play deals with a parody on the life of Vincent Van Gogh, become a dentist and writing to his friend Theo to talk about his new life, much more exciting than a normal dentist and than an usual impressionist painter. Humour consists in keeping the impressionists' temperament as Woody Allen feels it and to apply it into a job where it provokes disasters. Indeed, this transposition of temperament makes impressionists very bad dentists, as we will discover it.
First, why being respectful of patients? Impressionists never thought about customers when they were painting an old master. They would paint it the way they liked it. So let's keep the same state of mind when making a bridge for Mrs. Sol Schwimmer "Mrs. Sol Schwimmer is suing me because I made her bridge as I felt it and not to fit her ridiculous mouth!" Patients do not seem to be very comprehensive. Even more when the bridge is "enormous and billowing, with wild, explosive teeth flaring up in every direction like fire!". Stupid Mrs. Sol Schwimmer who would rather have a bridge fitting her mouth and sustaining its part than a beautiful painting, moreover an impressionist painting. Maybe the help of Czanne, who is old and infirm, could help Vincent?
Then, professional work is still artwork that belongs to its author. As they take dentals X-rays, results catch the eye by their imperfections and impressionists-dentists are very critical about it. A partner's hard review can make one of them being very sad about this artwork. If this happens, the impressionist-dentist will call himself into question for a few days. Concerning Vincent, he is intelligent and professional enough to come over it, to go back to his office and to complete his work. Well done!
As Vincent is not a simple dentist but an impressionist-dentist, he always needs some money, breaking the legend of rich dentists. But as impressionist-dentists, Vincent is more intelligent no Novocaine any more? No problem, let's read to the patient some Dreiser! The idea of sharing its office is coming back, with Gauguin this time. But this man seems a little disturbed and provokes many more disasters than Vincent could make alone. This is surprising for an impressionist-dentist. As Gauguin's problems are mental ones, some other partners have different difficulties. Toulouse-Lautrec would be a perfect help but he is too short and Monet is a little megalomaniac and only wants to work on very large mouths. Vincent may have to go on working on his own.
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Vincent found a solution to its loneliness he felt in love with one of its patients, a girl with a perfect mouth. Woody Allen makes then a metaphor between Claire's life and her teeth. She lost a tooth during adolescence developing a cavity. This may mean one of its close relations died and she never recovered from it. Unfortunately for Vincent, its approach to Claire will be as is its life a calamity. Indeed, whereas he tried to be romantic by lowering the lights in its office, Claire ran out. This passage is not really impressionist but it seems to be more fantastic. It drove Vincent very sad. Fortunately, he found a very exciting solution to come over its depression he cut his ear to sell it.
Woody Allen presented us a view of what would be the life of an impressionist-dentist. This is crystal clear he does not really appreciate them, as he pictures a character sketch rather negative of Impressionists. They appear in this play as very selfish persons, unconscious of their environment, as completely irresponsible persons. To put it in a nutshell, Mr. Allen has a grudge against impressionists.
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